About a week ago, I was standing in a local store with my mom and she’s talking to me about my boys, my three, thriving, growing, smart, amazing boys. She says to me, out of the blue, “You need to start looking for…” “STOP, Mom. No, I don’t.”, I say. Because I could already tell where she was going with this. But she could not take the hint and I was already beginning to turn red. This is always the way the conversation has to go for her. “You are depriving them of…(and I stopped her again because I’m familiar with the pattern but I’ll finish it for you…’a positive male role model’). “No, Mama. I’m not. They have him.” And I point to my step-dad who was walking with us and who lives only one block away from me. My boys have their dad but they also have someone who comes to my rescue when my house is broken into. They have someone who comes immediately when they are in the E.R., and their dad does, too. They still see someone who comes over to help me fix things that are broken at my house if it’s something that I haven’t learned how to fix yet. And they do still have a Dad who goes to their soccer games, who hugs them and who tells them that he loves them when they’re at his house. We just don’t all happen to live together as a big happy family anymore. Besides all of that, I just so happen to have learned to be a pretty good XBOX fixer, I can change out broken toilet parts myself, fix leaky sinks, change tires and do many other boy things that quite a few moms haven’t had the joy of learning. Just because they’re boys, do I not count; I’m the role model! Hey, hey…look at me over here! (Insert eye roll here…)
What an insult to say that I’m depriving them because I’m not out “looking” for a replacement dad. First of all, I would never. Second of all, WHA??? If I have learned one thing, one very important thing, from being married, divorced and single again, it is that I don’t NEED someone. I remember thinking that life was all about finding someone to complete you. As it turns out, I am the only one who can complete me. I just had to figure out what all my pieces were and where to put them. I’ve learned so much (and still am) about who I am and what I’m all about. I know now that it was silly for me to ever think or expect someone else to be able to fill up the holes that I, myself, didn’t even have the pieces for, or didn’t know where to locate them. I had to wait to understand the gaps myself and am much better equipped now to be a better, more whole person than I was when I was waiting around for someone to “complete me”.
Right now I am truly not looking for anyone. I don’t even know that I’m really capable of a deep trust with people anymore anyway. I care about people but I’ve come to understand that people will always let you down and that we just love them anyway, faults and all, because we’re all made that way. We can’t even help it. So, just don’t tell me to be on the lookout and don’t send me out looking, okay? I’m good. 
God is in the Outcome 