May 16th, 2023
In about an hour, it will have been one week since you left. About half an hour from now was the last time I saw you when your spirit was still here. I still don’t know how to process that this is my real life now. That the rest of my days here will be without you here to hold me, to tell me you’re proud of me, that you think I’m beautiful, that you love me. I can’t even fathom how this could have happened.
I want you back home, selfishly, I know, because you are rejoicing and enjoying the next life with our Savior. I’m thankful for that but I miss you so very much. It hurts. I have always known the depth of how much I love you and you love me (you never, ever let me forget it). But I don’t think I realized that you were the reason I ate food or could sleep. I did know that you were the reason for so many other wonderful things in my life.
I held Lillian today and remembered you saying you couldn’t wait until your surgery was over so you could hold her again, and how excited you were to hold our next granddaughter when she arrived. We were getting to enjoy what it’s like to love on baby girls after all of these years of loving all of our wonderful boys. I wanted to do this with you and never imagined I would be having to without you. It’s never going to be the same; nothing will ever be the same and I hate this new way of life. Everyone says we’ll all find a new normal but nothing will ever be “normal” again. Nothing will ever feel right without you here.
The only saving grace to all of this is the fact that you were saved by grace, meaning I will wrap my arms around you and spend all of the next, much longer life loving you, together with you for always. It feels so very far away right now for me, but I’m glad it will pass quickly for you. I’m glad you don’t have to be sad while you wait. You were always the one who was running late but this time you got there first. Wait for me; I’ll be the one running through the gates to get to you like an old movie…swing me around like that, okay? I love you. ♥️💔
“I’ve read somewhere statistics show
The man’s always the first to go
And that makes sense ’cause I know she won’t be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I’ll find myself a bench, if they’ve got any
I hope she takes her time
‘Cause I don’t mind waitin’ on a woman
Honey, take your time
‘Cause I don’t mind waitin’ on a woman”
God is in the Outcome 
This is well written. I am excited for more. Congratulations
Thank you for the kind words. I’m now four long months into my grief journey after the loss of my husband. Most of the posts on my blog page follow along as I grieved and, consequently, wrote. There are times when I post almost daily and then times when nothing really comes to me but there are many already written on the blog.
I am very proud of you for your dedication and courageous journey. Be strong. Be of good cheer. You have a very special Angel watching over your every step. You are blessed. I am here. I am eager to read your next post. My thoughts and prayers go with you throughout the day.