June 5th, 2023

Mine and Scott’s marriage was short by comparison to some. Yet in the relatively short time we have known, dated, been engaged, and then married to each other, we had far more than some relationships or marriages have in many, many more years. More love, more understanding, more trust, more consideration for each other, more happiness.

Several people have messaged me or spoken to me and told me they’ve never felt love like that. Some have been married. Some never have. Some still are.

All I can tell you about how we had what we had entails very few sticking points. I’ll try.

1.) Things were not always perfect even though, overall, our relationship was perfect for us. We had disagreements. We got frustrated. We had tons of external pressures (blending families will do that). We had people fighting against our happiness (blending families sometimes does that, too, although I’m thankful we always had great support from the people who counted.) We suffered through emotional losses together. We had financial challenges. We had health challenges. Things weren’t “perfect,” but we were.

We made an agreement early on in our relationship that there was NO giving up. We agreed never to quit. When we married, we didn’t just say vows at a ceremony, we made a covenant with God and each other and we both took it very seriously. This takes NOT a 50/50 relationship. This takes the kind where each person gives 100% to each other. And while there were times when I was ornery and didn’t give 100, and times when he was stubborn and didn’t give 100, we always, always met in the middle. We chose each other, every day.

2.) We had complete trust. He never, ever let me doubt that he would never even entertain the idea of being with someone else, or talk inappropriately to anyone else. He also knew with absolute certainty that I would not. We both knew that if we gave our all to each other, we didn’t need anyone else. But it still had to be 100/100. I’ve told you that he bragged on the fact that I was the love of his life to everyone he met. He showed pictures of me, videos, talked about our adventures, was giddy when I was going to be coming to see him or when he was on his way home to me. That gave me a complete trust and comfort in his absolute loyalty. People who know me will tell you I loved being by his side and was smitten with him even still. He was my missing piece and I was his. But that’s because we both committed to never looking for other puzzles to fit into.

3.) Communication. Scott and I had different love languages. We showed and received love in different ways. That was a challenge to navigate in the beginning. What I did to show love didn’t necessarily come across as love to him. The same was true in reverse. This meant that I had to learn how to show love in a way he understood BUT also meant he had to learn to accept love sometimes in the way I would naturally give it. This was not a one-way street. Many discussions took place to find ways to meet in the middle on this. Many. Neither of us started off as great communicators but we grew into great ones together, with each other. We learned to love each other in the ways we each needed. This made us each feel like the very most important person in the other’s life. Adored, treasured, loved immensely.

4.) A cord of three strands. God was in the center of our relationship. We kept Him there. We prayed over our kids, over our finances, over our marriage, over each other’s difficulties, over sickness. And because God was in it, we were each convicted any time one of us was letting our human nature take over our emotions. If I was being ugly because I was tired or frustrated or sad over something, God let me know it straight up. And we apologized after things like that, with humility and remorse. Then we both forgave situations like that, without question, with understanding, and still, with great love. For love covers a multitude of sins.

I’m sure there are more “things” that go into it but mostly what I’m trying to say is that if two people make a decision to grow together, it is possible to have the “perfect relationship” together, while keeping these things in mind and committing to them. It cannot be one-sided; both must take part and live in agreement to the principles herein.

Don’t give up seeking a love like this. Seek for it in your own marriage if you are married. Work for it! If you’re not married, don’t settle for less just to be with 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 because you CAN have more and could be with THE ONE instead. ♥️ The difference isn’t magic; the difference is work, commitment, determination, and letting Jesus be in the middle of it all. ♥️

And all of this is why I miss him so, so very much. 💔