I feel like I need to give a testimony, or at least speak to the issue of something related to adversity while trying to heal or to address God’s calling for your life. This testimony is not yet complete because I am still in the thick of it but I am sick of being here. I want out. There is no way out that involves getting my husband back so there has to be another day of light from another end of the tunnel somewhere, right?

I decided awhile back that serving others was a way I could learn to stand again. Focusing on the needs of others would not only be a blessing to them but a blessing to me and a way to keep my focus positive. I was making a plan.

I am here to tell you that I have met enemy adversaries at every single turn. Right around the time I decide to start actively seeking ways to serve other people, my depression plummeted to a deep, deep dive for the worse. I figured it was just “a part of grief” but I’m realizing now it was absolutely an attack 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 the harder I have fought to maintain the plans I made to reach out to other people, to try to be one of the helpers, the harder I’ve had to fight to maintains the plans I’ve made!

I was supposed to do something for a sweet friend Tuesday, which I put off until Wednesday because of sickness, but I was worse, even more sick, yesterday and, so far, today is not starting off on a physically fit high note either. I am supposed to deliver a meal to a friend tonight and, by gosh, I’m GOING to make that happen even if I have to get an Uber eats person to deliver it, or bathe in hand sanitizer then wear a mask for her safety! And my granddaughter, Lillian, is always a priority, too, because I love her but also because it means my kids don’t have to pay for daycare during a time that they would naturally be struggling with only one able to work while the other is in nursing school. But yesterday AND today they’ve had to alternate taking off just so I don’t get my sweet baby sick. (𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚 “𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞” 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐑𝐒𝐕 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲!) So that has thwarted my everyday plan to be help to someone.

What I really came here for to say is that when you fight to be whoever it is God created you to be, to move in your purpose and calling or your gifts, the enemy is going to throw down double-time.

I got in a place where God really poured into my writing awhile back. I completely outlined my entire book and wrote about eight additional chapters in the course of a few days – which I had struggled with for over a year…maybe closer to two…and then I fell off of what I tend to call a grief cliff. I’ve not written another word in it since. I have gone back and read from the beginning, trying to proofread and make corrections as I went, mostly just to even remember where I had gotten to in the storyline and how to start back up, but I have not written another single word. I’ve been battling spiritual adversity with a ferocious fervor ever since then.

When you are being struck the hardest by spiritual adversity, I believe it is true that you are closest to your breakthrough. If God was not about to do something BIG, the enemy wouldn’t be worried enough about little old me to bother even engaging me in battle. 𝘚𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘧𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭. If you are unable to recognize it then it is because you don’t know what to look for, but I promise you it is there, all around you.

Ultimately, the battle belongs to the Lord. I can punch and slice and snatch and grab and bloody the playing field all I’m able to, but I won’t get anywhere unless God is in it with me. And when I know I’m doing what He would have me do, I know His angels are right there, slinging punches right with me. I also know who wins as long as I don’t give up.

I pray I wake up miraculously (cause it would take a miracle at this point) healed and well tomorrow…or even over the course of today would be great! If I don’t, I will do 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 in my power to get well so I can move in 𝘏𝘪𝘴 power. And today, sick and tired and feeling yucky, I’m also feeling feisty about what the devil keeps trying to steal from me. He has taken 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. Put your battle gear on, bro. I’m suited up already. Let’s do this.