A couple of months ago, God changed my perspective and today a sweet friend sent a Tauren Wells video reaffirming it. It gives me peace. I know that the Bible says relationships in Heaven are different than here but I have peace in the fact that I will see him and he is in my future, not just my past. Ten or twenty years before I met Scott, if I had known the kind of man he was and known that he was in my future, it would have been exciting anticipating the day we would get to meet. So, that’s how I look at it now. It’s like knowing that one day, after you haven’t seen them for a long time, you get to see your best friend again and hug them and sit down and talk about all of the things that have gone on since you saw them last, catch up, feel like it was just yesterday the last time you hung out. So, I’m okay with that. I still miss him and wish he could be here to enjoy life with me but I’m still going to make it a point to enjoy it because every day is a very precious gift not afforded to everyone. I’m not going to stop living like it feels I have over the past year, in some ways. I know there will be some rough days still ahead. Grief has taught me that it pops up whenever it wants to and I cannot fight against it; I have to absorb it. Those feelings are a part of who I am now, but now they don’t feel as much like grieving. They feel like missing. They don’t always even feel as much like sadness as they do like waiting to see him one day.

God left me here for a reason. And He promised me fullness of joy, that my joy may be complete. Part of that joy will be in seeing Scott again one day, and part of it is in whatever joy still inhabits this life on Earth before I go. I’m not going to waste that.