November, 2024

Life has been a little different lately. There have been some changes that some people close to me are aware of, but I haven’t been ready to talk to all of you about it yet, although I alluded to the idea of it back around June or July.

I began dating several months ago and met a few nice people who weren’t a good fit for me. I met one or two definitely not so nice ones, too. 😒
Then, the end of September, I met someone who was different than the others. I expected it to take quite awhile to find anyone who could handle my red-headed fuse, my breed of crazy, my life traumas and emotional turbulence.
I had begun praying over it months ago, that if God had a plan to keep me from spending the rest of this life lonely, He would plant someone in my path and let me know it. I didn’t know He had already sent someone born and raised in Idaho, who had moved around the country a bit since then, to Florida about a year ago as a project manager for a disaster relief construction company. But I wouldn’t have been ready by the time they finished the work that Idalia provided. Then Debby hit, slowing down the work and adding more. Then Helene and Milton. Now the work he has in Taylor County will last until next spring. That kept him here long enough for me to realize that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life all alone and then gave time for God to arrange a meeting and some time to get to know each other. Sorry about all the hurricanes, everyone; it seems they were about me. (Joking…joking…😂) For the record, I will not be moving away; that is not an option for me and he is aware of that.

It’s too soon to start saying things like forever since it’s only been a couple of months but he sure does seem to like me an awful lot, and I’m already pretty fond of him, too. I, of all people, know that forever is relevant to each individual because Scott was able to move his forever into his new address sooner than we realized it would happen. This person reminds me a lot of Scott in some ways. He’s a very hard worker with an impeccable work ethic; when he’s at actual work or whether he is helping me with projects I’ve wanted to get done in my yard. He is like an Energizer bunny and has my energy beat by a mile (although life has slowed me down a lot the last eighteen months.) He also enjoys doing things just because they make me happy, and that was my husband, day in and day out, for as long as we loved. I definitely don’t deserve someone else who strives to make my life easier and enjoyable but it seems that God is determined to show me what He thinks of me in order to detract from what I tend to think of myself. God says I am blessed, highly-favored, and adored so it appears that He may have sent someone else along to remind me of that fact, that I have not been forgotten in my grief but that He was still right here all along, planning to give me a hope and a future.

Best of all, he is patient with my grief process. I still go through a lot of emotions, not just with the loss of my husband but also with the idea of spending time with someone new. I pray over it. I have to sit with it a lot. I worry. I stress. And then I keep walking forward into whatever God has for me, whatever that looks like. This man has given me space when I need it, let me talk about Scott when I need to, let me talk about hurt when I need to, and then sometimes cheered me up when I needed that, too. And on the days when I just don’t really want to be “cheered up,” he lets me handle that how I need to as well, knowing there may be plenty of days in my future when I struggle with the ever-present remnants of this path I walk. I’ve told him, point blank, that my in-laws are still my family and that will not change. He asked when he could meet them. I told him I will not ever erase Scott from my home and my life. He said “I would never expect you to; you love him.” He has never once acted intimidated or frustrated by the fact that loving Scott is something that will never disappear. and he never expects me to apologize for that.

So, I’m here today telling all of you, those who have followed my grief journey and other paths of trauma with me before that, that I have a boyfriend (I don’t know why that sounds so high school, to be saying that at more than fifty years old) and I am enjoying days of sunshine and light in my world again. You all know my boys, our three girls, and my sweet granddaughter have kept the lights on for me enough to walk to this place, but the future on this old ragged earth sure feels a little brighter with this new kind of hope in it.

I know that some may judge my choice to keep walking forward. My children have all met him (and several of my adopted kids, too.) They get along with him and have expressed that they are happy to see me happy. I’ve also talked at length with my mother-in-love about this and even she reassured me that Scott would have hated seeing me miserable and so very sad; she said he’d be thankful to see me happy again. I absolutely know, too, without a doubt, that if Scott could have met him while he was here, they would have been fast friends. Neither one of them ever met a stranger and both could talk to anyone they meet as if they’d known each other for years. Most importantly for me, though, is that God hasn’t once told me to turn around and walk away. My footsteps are ordered and in line with His will because He’d sure let me know if they weren’t. So I’m hoping those of you who may feel like this is too soon will give me some grace while I work out my emotions myself and maybe even pray for me as I learn how to traverse this new path. I just wanted to share some light after the darkness you’ve all walked with me. ℒℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒶𝓁𝓁.