I am a chameleon. I’ve been called that in the past but only recently accepted the title and it’s banner. I change to suit different situations, different people, different locations. What I’m finding is that it seems to have a negative connotation and I want to respectfully disagree.
Being ever changing is not necessarily a bad thing. I can understand the concept that one may think of a human “chameleon” as someone who pretends to be something they’re not. Again, I wholeheartedly disagree. A chameleon does not pretend to be purple when it’s purple or green when it’s green; it changes. It morphs into a different version of itself in order to be protected from the dangers of a vicious world; but that, in itself, is the explanation that tells me it’s not wrong. It changes to a different version of itself. It is still being true to it’s character, a character that few other species have. It’s character just has varying faces of the same prism. And a prism reflects light beautifully.
I am adaptable. I admit to not wanting anyone not to like me. Someone recently told me that I need to get over that because you have to turn your back on half of the world to survive. I respectfully disagree. I don’t want to turn my back until they force me to. And even if I have to turn, in the interest of self-preservation, I will still be wishing they had been able to see the better side of me…a different color of the chameleon’s camouflage. I will still wonder what it was that made our encounter in life one feasting on a bone of contention. I do realize that people come into and go out of our lives for a reason but I would like to leave each one on good terms yet that is often impossible.
Why? Because I am human, as are they. I make mistakes. I screw up. I was born missing the critical filter between brain and mouth and I often say dumb things before I stop to realize they are hurtful. I get angry. I get hurt. I say more dumb things. I am human…hear me cry. I am the first to admit to how imperfect I am and, trust me, I point said imperfections out to myself on a daily basis. I often try to talk myself out of them…but some of them seem to be innate. So, trying to go through life without hurting anyone, making someone angry or resentful or without losing someone who was only meant to stay for a brief while, well, that’s a losing battle. But I digress…
As a chameleon, I am a different person as a mom, a nurse, a friend, a coworker…and so on. We all have various hats that we must or choose to wear and we adjust our behavior and affect accordingly. I’m not saying my character is different, just that I rely on differing aspects of the same character. And I am a character. Pretty sure none would deny me that little jewel of a title.
Likewise, in love or around different friends with different interests, I shine alternating sparkles of my complex personality. With a friend who likes superheroes and “gets” my inner dork, I open up the part that lets my geek flag fly. I will talk about wanting to go to MegaCon and having a (not so) secret fascination with Wonder Woman or Mrs. Incredible. With a friend who shares my enthusiasm for good wine, I will express my likes and dislikes of a plethora of varieties of libation and ask for opinions about what they enjoy consuming. These things I do not see as character flaws. Different people bring out contradistinctive personality traits in each of us. Each brings joy or wisdom or even sadness to our lives that individually serve to sculpt the clay of who we are. And you see, I recall being the same chameleon in high school.
In high school, I attended an international school in which one could decipher no less than 8 different languages in conversations being carried on during one trek down the hallway. I learned a little bit of Hebrew, conversational German, a good Brit accent (much to my children’s chagrin) and very basic Arabic, French and Spanish. I would try to incorporate my weak language skills into conversations with varicolored friends in order to sharpen my intellect and, I confess, to cause the random burst of laughter when I brutally murdered phraseology from another tongue. There was nothing wrong with my trying to blend in with them and incorporate myself into their lives in a meaningful way. In fact, I daresay I think it was right. If I change how I react and behave around you, because of your interests or likes vs. dislikes, then you know that you are important enough to me that I want to understand more about who you are. I want to connect. I desire to comprehend what makes you tick on a level different than what others have made effort to do. If you see my character to be different around you than when you’ve seen me elsewhere, please, by all means, take that as a compliment. You matter.
Being a chameleon, in the respect that I’m attempting to describe, is not the same as when they had a sale on faces at the Dollar Store and some chick bought more than a BOGO. To those people I say, if you’re going to have two faces, honey, at least make one pretty. Because in those changing appearances, neither is ever beautiful as they are both tainted by the overall integrity (or rather, lack thereof) of the individual. No, being a chameleon, in the sense I want you to visualize and condone, is a trait of adaptation, a show of respect, an expression of praise. I don’t just want to be able to be myself around you but I want to be able to be part of you, around you. I will watch TV shows you recommend (at least trying on for size). I will listen to your music; I have eclectic taste anyway. I will ask how your life is going and will attempt to commune with quips and analogies from my own comical or dramatic history to let you know that you are not alone in the fight.
None of us ever is, no matter how lonely it sometimes feels to be a chameleon in the desert.
God is in the Outcome 