July 16th, 2023
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Philippians 4:4
There are times in life, and especially in a grief journey, when it feels difficult, if not impossible, to rejoice. The word rejoice gives the inherent impression that one should be filled with happiness, the mental image showing someone jumping for joy, a new graduate as they hurl their mortarboard cap into the air in an exuberant fashion with a smile radiating a glow of happiness on their face. That’s what rejoicing is, right?
So how on Earth do we do that when we are downcast and feel destroyed? How is it possible to radiate joy when we are miserable and lost and sad and feel alone? “At all times, God? Surely you didn’t mean that literally…because I definitely don’t feel happy right now…”
I’ve researched the difference between joy and happiness before and I took the time today, after reading this verse for probably the millionth time in my life, to locate a few definitions of joy as defined on the internet, with a particular focus on Christian pages.
“Happiness is something we feel because of our situation or circumstances. We are happy because something has made us happy, but we are joyful because of something within us.”
“Joy is a practice and a behavior. It is deliberate and intentional. Happiness comes and goes blithely on its way.”
“Happiness is in the mind and feelings. Joy, on the other hand, is deep in the heart, the spirit, the center of the self.”
“Joy is something grander than happiness. Joy is a fruit of the spirit, and when we find joy it is infused with comfort and wrapped in peace. It is an attitude of the heart and spirit.”
“Joy is caused by elation at a moment in time. Happiness may dwell on materialistic, worldly pleasure while joy is derived from soul satisfying, emotional well-being.”
And then, even a secular page: “Joy is a deep feeling of contentment. It is cultivated over a lifetime and can even be borne from suffering. Happiness is more about getting what you want in the moment – it is fleeting.”
1 Peter 1:8-9 says this: “Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
Peter was talking about something profound but that we already know, deep in our hearts. Though we cannot see the air, we believe that it is there because we feel it as we inhale and breathe it in. You may have friends who live across the continent, or even on another continent. Even if you cannot see them, you still enjoy the beauty of that friendship. You still know that, if you call that friend at any time you needed them, they would answer the phone or come to you in order to help. You may find yourself laughing about something they said once while you are all alone, or even laughing at what you imagine they would say in a certain situation. As Christians, we cannot physically see God with our eyes but are able to view the evidence of Him all around us, so we know He is there even when we can’t see or feel him, just like that faraway friend. And also, as Christians, we know where our loved ones who trusted in Jesus go whenever they leave this world. We cannot see them, we cannot tangibly feel them, but we know their spirit still exists, apart from their flesh and bone body, in Heaven.
I’m not happy that my husband is no longer here. I find it very challenging to find happiness in any of my circumstances these days. But I can say that I have joy. Joy is not circumstantial. It is a state of being.
Even Dictionary.com says that the definition for joy is “to feel joy, a festive gaiety; to be glad; to rejoice; a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated.” How is it that even the dictionary, not religiously focused in any way, speaks scripture over this word?
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 34:4
“…and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart…” Jeremiah 15:16
“For then you will delight in the Almighty and lift up your face to God.” Job 22:26
“You will make known to me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy. In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”
“Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing.” Psalm 100:2
And my personal favorite: “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you by His love. He will exult over you with loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
There is so much to unpack in these verses regarding the meaning of joy as opposed to happiness. “Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart.” God’s word imposes joy within us. “Delight in the Almighty and lift your face to God” is an action that will plant seeds of joy in our hearts. “In Your presence is fullness of joy.” Well, that one is self-explanatory. “Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing:” says that serving God with gladness (a joyful spirit) and singing to Him brings joy. I repeat, joy is a state of being; it is not a feeling.
There have been days when I did not feel like going to work. Nights when it was all I could do to drive to the hospital and clock in for a shift. Even in those times, however, when I did not feel happy about being there and was probably exhausted, I did not go about my work with a sour disposition. I smiled warmly at my patients. I conversed with my coworkers with a friendly tone. I spoke to supervisors and administrators with an attitude that belied my current temperament. Most people do this and we call it professionalism. It is unprofessional to speak to a customer, patient, client, or coworker in a grumpy or disrespectful manner just because we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or because we are dealing with circumstances in our private life that should not cross over into work relationships.
I may go to see a friend but feel like they are mad at me or suddenly don’t like me anymore. They may have had a fight with their teenager right before I arrived and are still stewing on that, unintentionally extending that attitude toward me. I think I’ve done something wrong and don’t know how to fix what I don’t know but it turns out that it’s not really even about me at all. It just made me feel that way. Feelings aren’t fact.
The source of joy is in being able to do the same with God, in a manner of speaking. That doesn’t mean that you have to “fake it til you make it” with God, even though I confess that it feels that way sometimes. Remember, “feelings” are not always reality. I may be presented with the same scenario on two different days and feel very different about them. A couple who are in college and learn that they are soon to be parents may have very different feelings about the situation than they will when they have their second child five years later after planning to conceive again. Our emotions are fickle. But reality is not. God is not.
Don’t get me wrong, feelings are valid and we all have a right to experience them; in fact, we often cannot help experiencing them. My journey through grief sometimes feels like a journey in grief and I certainly cannot change the way I feel on a certain day, but that doesn’t mean that I do not still have joy living inside me, waiting to find an opportunity to be expressed.
We have to find a way, at least be reaching for a way, to be joyful over God, over the beautiful opportunity we have to have a relationship with him, over the sacrifice he suffered to give us the ultimate desires of our heart, to be with Him in paradise one fine day, even when we don’t feel like it. Sometimes that feels like a major undertaking of mass proportion. Other times it comes naturally.
There are mornings when I wake up and jump right into the Word, eager to see what God has for me that day. There are also days when I wake up and the last thing I feel like doing is to try read the Bible or a devotional or even listen to praise music. I don’t feel like praising because it feels like praising my situation. It feels like praising for this feeling that won’t leave my gut. It feels like I’m going against every miserable bone in my body to do something that I don’t want to do. But if I can do it in order to go to work, if I can change how I am postured to do it for other people, can’t I do that for God?
When I’m praising in the middle of a storm, I have to remind myself (sometimes over and over) that I’m not expressing being glad about what has happened. I’m glad for the knowledge that God already knows the outcome and I trust Him with that. I trust that He can and will, in His timing, turn these ashes into something beautiful. Scott would have wanted that. That doesn’t mean that it is always easy to do. In the contrary, some days it is really, really hard! But for the sacrifice He gave for me and trusting in the promises that He has made, I can do it. I can live through grief. I can give God glory in dark times. I can still have joy within me when I do not have happiness pouring out. I can do hard things. I’m doing it. I’m doing it because God can still be joyful over me even when I am at my worst.
God is in the Outcome 